When Mysterious Greys Cry
by RubyNury
Summary: You love me more than life. Will you let me go if I decide to pursue my dream? Will I be able to leave? Does my dream worth the life with no you in it? Haruka and Michiru


_**When Mysterious Greys Cry**_

**A****/N**: _Hello everyone!_

_I know that both in manga and anime Haruka has really different colors of her eyes that var__y from light grey to green-blue, but for this story I picked out rich grey. Well, the grey eyes are so beautiful, don't you think?_

_The __story is written in Michiru's P.O.V._

_P.S. The story is edited a little. *grins* But there's always room for improvement, so… maybe I'll edit it again in future :)_

_Please enjoy._

**************************************

"Need any help with taking these downstairs?"

I startle. Familiar, endlessly treasured voice sounds uncommonly reserved, quiet. It would be better now if she shouted at me. But no, it's Haruka; she's always restrained and self-controlled, always so enigmatic. It's very hard to read her. I could never struggle through her mysteriousness.

Oh how I love this soft huskiness in her voice…!

It takes her to say just several words in that warm husky whisper, and I immediately melt, unable to resist the invincible charisma of my Ruka, an enchanting wind senshi.

But this usually sensual huskiness sounds like a rattle of a fatally wounded animal now. Why?

I turn around to meet a slightly perplexed gaze of the bright grey eyes.

"An unexpected concert tour? You didn't tell me about it…" her voice fades. Her eyes narrow dangerously. Of course she noticed that I packed _all _my belongings. Every little thing that could remind her of me.

_You know what it means, don't you, Ruka?__ Sure you know but still keep hoping that you're mistaken somehow. No, you're not. Have you ever been mistaken, love? Why, you're so perfect._

"No." Surprisingly it was all I could say, I lost my breath all of a sudden. Give me a second I need more air to breathe in.

_Ok, now__, ask me right now while I'm able to give you the answers._

"Then why your suitcases are here, all packed?"

_So, you still hope you're wrong. T__o cherish a hope it's so unlike you, Ruka. Our little silly Usagi-chan taught even you the most distrustful senshi to hope for the better, till the very end. What for?_

"I'm… leaving", my voice trembles a little and breaks. So silly of me. One more miserable try. "It's for a while, you know."

She nods slowly and looks away.

_What are __you thinking about, Ruka? I always could read your mind through your eyes but now… now that stiff gaze you're giving me is absolutely unreadable._

"But we need to talk first."

Was it _my _voice?? What an excellent actress I am, then! Neither tremble nor agitation, the voice is even and calm, just a bit higher and clearer than usually.

I'm sure Haruka could notice that too. I can't hide it from her. She's got that absolute pitch of an extremely talented pianist.

…

I walk closer and take her hand. Is it just me or did she really jerk at my touch?

We could talk right here. But Haruka casts a sidelong glance full of longing at the bed. Our bed. She blinks hastily, and leaves me wondering whether that suffering glance was real or just in my imagination.

The grey eyes are calm again, only a desperate pulsation of the coal-black pupils betrays her crazy heart throbbing.

_You were always a mystery for me. Even when __there was no one closer to me than you._

She turns away and carefully withdraws her hand.

"We'll talk in the living room." I hear that quiet tired huskiness again. Haruka tries to soften those sharp words with her belated "alright?"

Walks out of the bedroom not even bothering to hear my response.

_I wish so badly I __could guess your thoughts right now! Although, nothing to guess, I know them… too well._

I walk into the living room and sit down facing you.

You slightly tap with your fingers on the coffee table, as if you were playing some silent melody. Your gaze is riveted on your hands.

And all of a sudden it occurs to me that I don't know what to say. How to say what I intend to? Where do I start? How do I find the right words? 'Right words'… are they, indeed, if they will break your heart anyway?

"Haruka…" I lean forwards and cover your hands with my palms. Cold. I want to warm you. But you won't let me.

You wince, shrink back yanking your hands involuntarily, and your eyes bore mine with a long intent look.

…

A rainy-rainy day, the leaden-grey sky, the wet paths, bitterish smell of the withered leaves… My thoughts carry me back to the one of our days.

_Faster, faster, you're __so close! In seconds you'll catch up with me – I see your light-golden locks flicker through the tree branches of the adjacent alley. I roar with laughter, autumn air bites my cheeks with chill. Our joyful squeals must be heard everywhere throughout the frozen park. It's evening, and the park is deserted. Neither children, nor adults, nor stray dogs or pigeons… it seems like the whole world belongs to only the two of us._

_Barely__ slipping I emit another laughing squeal and keep running on the wet asphalt. It's amazing, you always run so fast but absolutely noiselessly. Maybe it's true that wind carries you on its wings…_

_Only __the light sound of your breathing and the crackling twigs betray your location. And still…_

"_You __would never run away from me. I am the wind, remember?" your smile takes my breath away. You easily catch up with me and, taking me into your arms on the fly, immediately capture my lips with yours._

_Our s__winging bodies. A sweet passionate kiss. The warm mingled breath. I wish we could stay like this for eternity…_

"_I love you, Ruka. Promise me that you'll always catch up with me__, would you?" Where did those words come from? Neither you nor I could even realize what the future has in store for us._

_You shake your head, __the last sparkles of the laughter rapidly dissolve in your eyes, a smile melts softly on your lips. I furrow my brows, taken aback. Why, can't you give me that promise?_

_You're not __any playful anymore. The grey eyes gaze at me sternly and almost angrily. Sometimes you scare me with that seriousness of yours._

"_It's __simple; I just won't ever let you go away. So I will not have to catch up with you", a mere glimpse of that mischievous grin of yours, and the serious radiant eyes look at me intently again. The most bewitching and unattainable in the whole world, your eyes. "But, Michi, don't slip away into your own world leaving me outside. Living in this world… without you, it doesn't make any sense to me."_

_Your silent confession breaks my heart. Ruka… you are so strong… you will survive without me, you must… will you?_

…

She and I were so happy back then.

Why did that day pop up in my mind now?

Perhaps it's all about Haruka's eyes… they reminded me of that grey rainy sky.

_Are you crying?_

"Tell me why…"

No, it's just my imagination. Haruka… and crying? Are you serious?

Did you forget who you are talking to? It's no other than Uranus herself, the unbending, rebellious, staunch Ruler of the skies and winds. The strongest, the most powerful senshi.

But even the strongest have their Achilles heel. And for her it's me, her love to me to be exact, which became that heel. I am the only her true vulnerability. And it's me who's betraying her right now. Who would ever believe that?

…

Sometimes it's hard even for me to understand what's on her mind. The others think that I know her the best of all. I wish I did.

I try to catch her eyes.

_No__, you're not crying. You're not even mad at me. But what is there in your eyes, so incomprehensible to me? Contempt__? __Indifference? No, not that._

_It__'s like… your inner light suddenly went out. I shut my eyelids, unable to stand that emptiness in your eyes. Where is that radiant shining of your magnificent grey eyes, Ruka?_

Why are you here? Why did you get back home so early? I calculated the time right: you shouldn't have been here when I leave.

It's all that all-knowing friend of yours, the wind. I'm sure it whispered in your ear that I pack my things to go away. Honey, why did you rush here at the very moment when you felt something was wrong? I know you thought I was in danger. But… it's you in danger now. You would be so hurt. I didn't want that to happen to you. Will you ever understand me? Would you forgive me?

…

The words would change nothing, I know, but still she's asking. Maybe she's just trying to win some time? No, she wouldn't do that. Why would she want to? There's nothing to win time for.

But what do I tell her? Come on, Michiru, tell her some really convincing lies, something very touching and verisimilar. If you are ever to deceive this exquisite senshi of the pure heart and he strong will, to deceive her so that she would believe you… let it be now. Any lie, if it keeps Haruka from hurting, will do. It's just that…

I can't. I cannot lie to her. Not to her. Not to those unfathomable eyes of the color of the crying sky.

To tell her truth? But how? Which part of it?

…

Forgive me, Ruka, I really need to think about my future. You are perfect, you are my dream come true, but you will never be able to give me what I've been craving for, for some years already. I wrestled against myself but the thought of having my own child never let me alone.

I wish my child could have your untamed golden hair and your endlessly loved grey eyes…! But you will never… never be able to… you are just not a man.

So many nights I spent crying, dreaming that one day I would hear the rhythm of another life beneath my heart, that I would feel the slight strikes of the tiny hands and feet from inside of me. Forgive me, my love. Forgive me for giving up, for betraying you now. But my time slips away… if I wait any longer, I would never be able to bear a child.

I will try to find someone like you. Let him have even a glimpse of a person you are. Maybe he will just look a bit like you. I will love that likeness of you in him, Ruka. I wished so badly it could be our child… born from our deepest love. You do love me still, don't you? What an irony… I'm betraying you even knowing that there's no one better than you. My angel…

Maybe one day I and my child will come to visit you. Will you receive us?

I know that you will love that little one as much as I, for it will be _my _child, another part of me. Will you let us stay…?

…

The hot tears well into my eyes and I hurry to blink them away before Haruka could see them.

How can I tell her all that? So much of talking, arguing, pleading, and entreating – everything is in the past…! We couldn't find the way out.

_What's going on in your mind, Haruka? What is there, hiding in you wonderful eyes that are shaded by __the golden short strands, not letting me to meet and read your gaze? Don't hide from me, love. For I know… you're hurt? What a stupid question._

"So, you won't tell?" sounds like the affirmation. An emotionless voice of a human who was defeated.

Don't, Haruka! Can you hear me, don't you dare give up! Never and no one can subdue you, nor defeat you – I know that very well.

But… do I really know you _that_ well? I was sure that you would face the situation with the fortitude, not even wavering. And you did, but…

Of course I knew that my decision would hurt me – us! – so badly… it was the most painful, the hardest decision I ever had to make. But someday… you will understand me. And maybe you'll find the strength to forgive me for doing this.

But please don't give up. Not for me. Not because of me. You are so much stronger than that, my love! I know you! I believe in you!

I avert my eyes, trying to swallow the stubborn lump in my throat.

"I'm sorry I just need to be alone for a while. To think about my future."

Fine, good girl. It's almost truth. Did she believe that? Hardly, I think. But she doesn't press me for details. It's so like her…

…

You nod and, exhaling noisily, stand up. I get up as well and we walk to our bedroom, where you resolutely grip the handles of the suitcases.

All of a sudden your back tenses and you, half-turning to me, point at something with a short nod and quietly say, "You forgot something."

I thought I heard a sparkle of hope in your voice.

_Forgive me, Ruka. For my following words will kill your hope without even giving it__ a chance to flare up._

_You're talking about that ring, right?__ The one you gave me once… like a silent vow, like an unbreakable promise to share your life with me._

"I didn't forget it", surprising but I'm still able to speak. I thought it was near to impossible even to breathe, the lump in my throat almost suffocates me. "I'm leaving it here. Just for the time that I need to sort things out. Thank you for giving it to me back then."

_Liar__. __Liar__. __Liar!_

_You__ sense it sounds as farewell, don't you? I made my decision already. The words are just a screen. Is there still a hope inside of you?_

_Ruka__, please, I beg for your forgiveness! Come on, look at me! Look into my eyes, you'll understand! This hurt is not only yours, we share it together._

"Forget it."

A barely noticeable shrug. The light-golden fringe falls over your eyes and shades them. Again. You stubbornly jerk up your head. My dear Ruka, you never let anyone witness your weakness. Not even me. It hurts.

"It doesn't mean anything, does it?" you obstinately refuse meeting my eyes. "It couldn't… save our love."

So, you knew that already? That it's over.

"I'm sorry, Ruka."

You don't respond. I'm not even sure that you heard me.

The tall slender figure disappears in the shade of the door frame.

…

_Please__, Ruka! Don't let me go away! Give me a hard slap, tell me that I'm making a huge terrible mistake!_

Oh what am I talking about? You will never hit me. Even more, you will try to shield and protect me till your last breath. Of all people, I, for one, know the power of your devotion, Haruka, my beautiful wind. For no other than me is the only weak spot of yours.

Even now… even now you're trying to take all the pain on your shoulders and even hide it inside, so that I couldn't see it. You're desperately trying to make choosing the way easier for me, no matter how hard and painful it is for you.

But you forgot, my love, that I know you inside out. I see and feel everything. Everything, except for that strange expression of your incredible grey eyes.

_Why, Haruka? Why do you __have to be strong for the both of us?_

Don't you understand that it also became one of the reasons why I leave?

You are so… so like your name. Ha-ru-ka. Distant. Mysterious. Inexplicable. Unfathomable.

You're so independent and self-sufficient. Beautiful mine, unforgettable… What would you need me for?

Blaming me for slipping away into my world, you never let anyone even come close to your own. Not even me.

It's not fair, Ruka, so not fair.

*********************

"Ruka?"

I freeze on the halfway to the gates. If it hurts so badly now… what will happen with our hearts when I leave?

To think about the future I said… but what is there to think about? I cannot exist without you! Or, to be more precise… no, I don't even want to try. What for would I need my life with no you in it? I don't need the world if it doesn't have the radiance of these wonderful inexplicable eyes.

You wait silently.

"You promised you would never let me go."

God I sound so pathetic!

I'm scared even to take a glance on you… but can't resist my urge to do it.

For all those years that we were together… I have never seen that sad smile of yours. You're smiling and I'm dying inside.

"Yes, I know…" It seemed like you wanted to say more but cut yourself short.

But I know what you were about to say. You never thought that I would ever decide to leave you. Such idea never even crossed our minds.

"Even the wind can't catch up with someone who decides to leave. You will always be ahead…" is it my imagination or did you really whisper those words?

God what am I doing?! What did I even think about?

To choose a man and bear his baby? To live the rest of my life without my Haruka?! Never feeling her strong caring arms again? Never hearing her warm sleepy breath? Waking up every morning without her sweet playful kisses??? Never… loving… her again?

A kaleidoscope of the memories flashed through my mind. My beautiful…

"_Ruka__, what happened?"_

"_What?" __Those mischievous grey eyes. A nonchalant shrug. The long fingers tousle the untamed hair habitually. "Ah, you mean blood? It's ok, just the weather-beaten lips. It's so windy outside today. Hey, Michi, the wind kisses me too, aren't you jealous?"_

_I__ walk closer and gently kiss you on lips, licking that little drop of your blood away._

"_Maybe."_

_You chuckl__e and tenderly outline my lips with your fingertip. Your eyes look serious and amused at the same time._

"_I don't want these pretty lips to get weather-beaten too."_

_I__ smile back and joke. "Well, at least our love is sealed with blood from now on. For the whole eternity… Creepy, isn't it?"_

_Of course it was just a joke. But for me… it was so much more!_

_You __take me into your arms and pull me closer than ever. A strong, passionate, touching woman. Ruka, I love you so much, so much that it hurts me…!_

"_I don't need blood to seal our bond with. I will always love you, no matter what fate destines for us. And, Michi… my love surpasses eternity."_

…

"_Ruka? What is it…? Is it morning yet?" I barely lift my heavy eyelids feeling strange motion. The soft yet strong arms hold me tight, I even hear the sound of your heartbeat. It's so warm, cozy, safe in your arms… you're near, and I have nothing else to wish._

"_No, not yet. Go back to sleep, honey", you whisper. The warm lips place a tender kiss on my forehead. "I'm just taking you to the bed. You shouldn't have studied till that late, Michi…"_

…

"_Bad day, love?" __I walk into the room to find you resting your forehead on the propped fist and looking gloomy._

"_Could've been better", you groan and tiredly rub your eyes. But almost immediately you look up at me, and that slight, familiar charming grin curves your lips. The grey eyes radiate pure tenderness._

_I come closer and__ start gently massaging and rubbing your tensed tired shoulders._

"_If you want I could make a hot bubbly bath for you. I'll add some relaxing oil, and you'll feel better."_

_You__ turn around and bury your face in my stomach like a child searching for salvation. Your arms encircle my waist and pull me closer. My angel, my soul…_

"_I'm so lucky to have you", you say quietly. My dress muffles your words a little but I hear the same tenderness that lightens your eyes whenever you look at me. "Even the most hopeless day doesn't seem so bad if I can hold you in my arms. I__ love __you__, __ Michi__."_

…

"_What do you think our future will be like?" __I lie on your lap. Your long fingers slowly run through my hair. I savor and enjoy your soft caresses._

"_Full of traveling I guess. Oh I know, we could even write some kind of memoirs about our lives of senshi. Although, people won't believe us anyway, and will take our writing as another fantasy or fiction book. Hmm… oh, sure, new cars for me. Lots of wonderful pictures and albums by you", I see your wide grin as you playfully poke at my nose with your finger. "A lot of making out, I hope. I'll be all wrinkled and grey and still coming on to you, can you imagine that?" you chuckle but soon turn serious again, the grey eyes gaze wistfully. "I never thought we'd have an opportunity to age, to have some ordinary life like all those people we used to protect the world for. Our Princess made it possible. But I still can't learn how to look that far into the future. However, there is one thing I know for sure – I want to grow old with you, to spend the rest of my life with you. But will you love me when I'm old and grey?"_

_I__ smile at you lovingly. Silly girlie… do you really think that there is any other way for me? You are too precious, too essential to let you slip away._

"_Ruka, I will love you no matter what, for all of my life, and even after that", my feelings are so strong that my voice falls into whisper when I try to convey what you mean to me. I reach out for you, my beautiful wind senshi and kiss you with all I have, letting the kisses speak for me._

_I could never picture you aging, Haruka. You will always remain the most beautiful woman in the whole world to me. You're eternal, my love._

…

Haruka, my dear Haruka, what a fool I am! Drowned in thinking about a child and slipping away years, I nearly missed the most important, the most essential thing. There's nothing to think about! _You_ _are _my love, my strength, my happiness… my life.

I don't need a man who looks like you, even had he the prettiest golden hair and the brightest grey eyes! I need only you, and no one but you. I love only you, Ruka. Even when you're so stubborn and silent, distant and mysterious.

"Ruka…?"

How do I say it?

You're silent, waiting.

_You're so unbelievably strong, extremely tenacious…__ I wish I could be more like you._

"Say… what if…"

_What if I__ stop being such a fool, throw myself on your neck and cry… would you forgive me then? Would you take me back?_

It was like out of the blue the sun shone brightly in those rainy-grey eyes. First sparkle kindled, second, third… your eyes shine brightly again. God you are beautiful, Ruka!

But what is that? The numberless sparkles in your eyes suddenly merge into one, and the glittering transparent streams run down your pale cheeks.

Are you crying? Are you, the great unbending Haruka? Sweetheart, forgive me!

I watch your fists clench tightly. You don't turn away. You don't wipe away those tears. You just lift your chin up higher.

My beauty, my miracle, my love, you're just a mere child inside!

I know you're ashamed of that outburst of the foible, thinking it's inexcusable, but you will never admit that.

So proud, so beautiful… don't be afraid, love, I will not betray your secret.

Ferocious Uranus, the willful ruler of the wind and sky… my beloved Haruka… For the first time in my life I see you crying, and every single tear of yours burns my heart with anguish.

My angel, my dearest, please do not cry… don't. I'm not worthy of your tears.

The wind tousles your hair. Even despite those tears you look so unreachable. But I caught a glimpse of that lonely child that was hidden behind this invulnerable façade of yours.

Your shirt flaps in the wind, you forgot to tuck it in again. Your hands shoved in the pockets, the nostrils dilate, the grey eyes gaze away, you slightly bite your bottom lip.

The painful tenderness tingles in my fingers. I want to touch you so badly, I want to hold and warm you. You're freezing, but you never show that.

"Ruka, I love you. Can you forgive me? I… don't want to leave. Please don't let me go."

Sounds like entreaty. I don't care. Your forgiveness is the only thing I pray for.

I have nothing else to wish in this world until you're mine, until you're with me. How come I realized it so fully just now?

A grey lightning of the suspicious eyes. You froze, your muscles tensed. Scared to trust me?

The first step to you. Don't push me away.

The second. I can't believe I could leave.

The third. Let me touch you.

The fourth. Thank God you're here…

The fifth. I cannot live without you.

The last… Forgive me.

Hesitating, I reach out and put my arms around you timidly, almost expecting you to push me away.

You can't believe it yet? Or it's that you don't want to see me anymore? You didn't take me in your arms.

Forgive me, love.

I close my eyes leaning against your soft chest.

Is there any chance for me to be with you again? You didn't respond to me. I guess it means that…

Will you let me kiss you before I leave? I hide my tears in your shirt.

Just one last kiss and I will go. I have caused you too much pain already. I don't want to hurt you any more. You've been living in absolute hell for those last months. I understand you, Ruka.

…

Out of the blue the strong arms encircle me with a warm tight grasp. You hide your face in my hair. I feel your body shuddering with sobs, your shoulders shaking uncontrollably. You hold me so close like you really will never let me go again.

My angel, my precious, my unbelievable love… my wind, my life… Ruka, I love you so much! I will never… ever… leave you again. Never.

Trust me.

***************************

_Well__, here we are. I hope you liked this story. My first intention was to write a small tragedy but… I just couldn't do that to my beloved couple. That's why they had some kind of a happy ending :)_

_Best wishes,_

_Nury_


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